[It's odd. Siffrin wasn't expecting to feel like they can breathe a little easier, especially not after sharing that. But it's out there now, even though they didn't put it completely into words, and... the world didn't come crashing down around them?]
[It doesn't really fix anything, they still feel like garbage, but they're also less tense and panicked. And they still really don't like that Shoka can say, "I get it," to any of that, but... it means something. They keep saying things and thinking about being lonely, and they're a little less that, now.]
[It's - complicated. Before they remembered the time loops, that would've helped so, so much. But before the time loops they weren't actively wanting to be dead, either; they had days where it felt exhausting and isolating to keep going, sure, but the worst they got was struggling to get out of bed. And then they met their friends, and it was better, until they failed them so badly -]
[There's such a mess of self-loathing inside their head. Being less lonely, this place not being all bad, the fact that there's people here who remember them well enough to be worried when they vanish... it isn't quite enough anymore.]
[Still.]
...well, I'm glad you're sticking around. [They can say that honestly.]
[For now, maybe their reason for sticking around too... can be to make sure Shoka feels like that less of the time? Finds more people to spend time with, and more things to do? She deserves that, they think.]
[Haha, as if they're not practically guaranteed to screw that up just like - no, don't think about it.]
...yeah. This week hasn't been great. [This entire month, really! But the rain sure got exponentially worse this week.]
[Hesitantly, they shift over a little bit, pressing their side against Shoka's. They're kind of tense and awkward about it, but they're trying.]
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[It doesn't really fix anything, they still feel like garbage, but they're also less tense and panicked. And they still really don't like that Shoka can say, "I get it," to any of that, but... it means something. They keep saying things and thinking about being lonely, and they're a little less that, now.]
[It's - complicated. Before they remembered the time loops, that would've helped so, so much. But before the time loops they weren't actively wanting to be dead, either; they had days where it felt exhausting and isolating to keep going, sure, but the worst they got was struggling to get out of bed. And then they met their friends, and it was better, until they failed them so badly -]
[There's such a mess of self-loathing inside their head. Being less lonely, this place not being all bad, the fact that there's people here who remember them well enough to be worried when they vanish... it isn't quite enough anymore.]
[Still.]
...well, I'm glad you're sticking around. [They can say that honestly.]
[For now, maybe their reason for sticking around too... can be to make sure Shoka feels like that less of the time? Finds more people to spend time with, and more things to do? She deserves that, they think.]
[Haha, as if they're not practically guaranteed to screw that up just like - no, don't think about it.]
...yeah. This week hasn't been great. [This entire month, really! But the rain sure got exponentially worse this week.]
[Hesitantly, they shift over a little bit, pressing their side against Shoka's. They're kind of tense and awkward about it, but they're trying.]